We live in society driven by numbers and results. How much money are you making? How much weight did you lose? What score did you get on the test? So often we are forgetting the little details associated with it and what it took to obtain the result. I've spent my years in school driven by trying to get that A. The few B's on my transcript would make me sad every time l looked at them. I would always be mad I took that stupid GE oceanography class for a letter grade, but
I could tell you about the Westerlies and Easterlies and the constant eroding sea wall. The reality was science was never my strong suit unless you make it Political Science. My struggling prevented me from retaining too much from the class because I was so caught up trying to secure a specific grade. After a test ended, I reset my mind to make room for the new set of material I had to absorb for the next test.
I, like many others, would beat myself up for doing less than perfect. Even an A- would hurt because in college (or at least at SDSU) it would count as a different GPA weight....which is just rude if you ask me. I understand there are reasons why we do this, to get into graduate school/medical school/law school/college; there's a general reason behind these numbers, or these letters in this case. Plus maybe it's for your own ego, or just to be able to prove something to yourself. We all have our expectations of ourselves, my B might be someone's A, and so on and so forth. I get it the desperation at some points, I really do because that was me. Yet, in the midst of graduating this week, I have cared way more with what I am taking away from my classes than the grade I leave with. HA it only took 4 years, but I think it's still a message worth sharing with the rest of my fellow college students, future college students, high school students, and whoever needs this message.
Last semester, I took a special study class to do research with the intelligent and supportive Dr. Mattingly, a professor in the Women Studies Department. (Fun fact: San Diego State University had the 1st ever Women's Studies department and celebrates 50 years this year!!) Anyways, with Dr. Mattingly I worked out a general schedule for the semester where I would be researching "Women and Political Power in Kenya." It was work that was predominately inspired by my experience in Kenya and from all my late night conversations with my host sister Ruth. I went to the library and picked up 5 real life books and started to read more to gain more awareness on the topic. Slowly but surely, I began the writing process going through a variety of drafts and getting guidance from Dr. Mattingly. She would describe where to extend the paper further, while also maintaining organization and flow. I was learning SO much. I would bring up random facts to my friends, or I would bring it up in my other classes. I was feeling empowered by the knowledge I was obtaining.
It wasn't until the last month of the semester that fear had struck me. We had never talked about my grade. Was I going to get an A in this class? Was this class going to ruin my GPA? Would I disappoint my new femtor (female mentor) Dr. Mattingly? When I sat down with her to ask the question I was avoiding: "how will I be graded?" She calmly responded, "if you do everything we've discussed about your paper, you will be fine" I took a deep break and at the end of the semester I got an A. The thing is when I bring up this report, I never say "oh yeah, I got an A" I tell people how my awareness for the Kenyan culture has broaden and I better understand the barriers Kenyan women face when striving to hold a political position. More than anything, my curiosity is deeper than ever and I can't wait to learn more.
I understand this is a special sort of class, but the message still stands true. This semester I had the option to take a class I knew I could easily get an A in or to challenge myself to take a class with a professor recommended to me by a trusted friend that would in many ways "kick my ass." So I took the harder class, "Gender, Race and Class" became my most demanding class this semester with written reading responses due at every class. With my senioritis sinking it, it was challenging to keep up at times, but I was constantly intrigued by the material. It was one of the first times I felt challenged in class to truly speak up and make my point clear. If I answered a question being uncertain, Professor Ghosh would push more out of me. You couldn't half-ass an answer, she wanted your thoughts raw and specific. I
loved that. I have always believed that if a professor or teacher is being hard on me, they care about me succeeding and being better. She pushed us, intentionally and meaningfully. She picked my two friends and I to do special projects for her in replacement for our essays. As I wrote about the different waves of feminism and women's movements, I saw everything from a new perspective. I became critical of their work and applied the concept of intersectionality to analyze areas where the movement feel short for a diverse group of women.
I submitted my paper to my professor earlier this week and honestly, I don't really care what grade I learned. I mean, yes I will check web portal because it's my last time and I'll have to know, but whatever grade it is doesn't change the lessons I am leaving with. It doesn't change the effort and hard-work I put into it the class and my final essay.
Gender, Race, and Class, but mainly Professor Ghosh has challenged my views of feminism and encouraged me to be as intersectional as possible. The truth is before this, I already thought I was. I was in some ways, but now I understand it from a deeper level. I have a better grasp on these issues and further consider how they are impactful to people of different genders, races, classes, and so many other identities. She has inspired me to continue this work and further reflect on my White Privilege. Filling out a workbook called "Me and My White Supremacy" was a heavy topic. It led to a lot of reflecting and simply gaining awareness of myself. It wasn't easy, but I know this is the work I must do to be a better ally to my POC friends and others. I bought the book "White Fragility" and look forward to reading it sometime very soon. The semester might have come to an end, but this lesson isn't over. It was merely just the start of a very in-depth journey of Gender, Race and Class.
We go to school to learn something. We go to grow as individuals. We go to learn lessons that will carry us through life. No matter how high your GPA, how pretty it might sound, the lessons are what matters. Every major matters and we all bring a new perspective in the world based on our identities, experiences and our studies. It's awesome if you have a 4.0, but it's even more awesome if you leave with a message you will teach your friends and maybe your kids one day. In fact, I've taken the quarantine as an option to educate my family on social justice issues and material that has come out of my Gender, Race and Class class. It has led to some heated debates, but overall I know they are understanding the message deeper and how the system impacts different groups of people. My lessons learned are becoming lessons to teach and I could not be prouder.
Take the challenging class that will push you; it will reward you in so many ways AND it is so much better than a GPA booster class. Try and find something to take out of every class, maybe it's not even the direct material of the subject, but your educators approach on life or how they start each class. Take something. Make your years of studying worth it and take a message away.
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